You Forgot To Say When

That button is clinging to dear life

While at Lagoon I noticed something – People stopped caring what the hell they look like. And before I go any further let me preface this by saying if you ever see me at a pool or water park there is a 100% chance I covered up all the wobbly parts and I was only there to have fun with the kids. I met my wife at my biggest size/weight, so that is proof us chubbies can lead full and wonderful lives with hot women. Especially if you catch a hot woman on a night when she has unexpectedly lowered her standards. My secret weapon – I dressed according to my size. And wanting to keep said hot woman you tend to eat less and walk more, so she doesn’t.

That aside, there was an incredible amount of muffin tops (awesome link) going on last night. When people were getting ready to go to Lagoon yesterday a few things went wrong.

1 – The shortage of fabric in this nation is getting severe. People are barely able to find shirts that cover past their belly button or sleeves that come past their armpits.

2 – A lot of people were picking clothes from the side of their closet labeled ‘For After My Diet’ and they forgot to do the whole exercise and diet thing before.

3 – There were so many girls walking around in bikini tops and sneaking in the remains from an all-you-can-eat-buffet. At the pool this is perfectly acceptable. You go there to get a tan and cool off and it is the socially preferred code of dress. Walking around the fairway at Lagoon – not acceptable. If you have the body to pull that off we all appreciate it. Well the guys appreciate it, the girls all think you are an idiot stick figure with no soul and hate you.

It’s OK, that’s a diet Coke

It baffles me that so many people forgot to say ‘When’ while pouring themselves into their jeans/shorts/bikini’s. Maybe there is something wrong with me. I want all of my kids to have great self esteem and ignore what the world thinks is cool. But even more so I don’t want anybody thinking flaunting your October-February body is a good idea.

I doubt that all of the people that spend mornings and evenings at workout boot camps, jogging, treadmills or gyms see these guys in public and think “You mean I could have just given up and walked around like that!?! This changes everything! I’m going to have so much more free time now!”

Here is a free tip – if you are constantly pulling your shirt down to cover you and and it is so tight that it is see through, your clothes are too small. We all plan on getting back into shape, just dress appropriately until you do. Unless you have given up. Then just graduate to sweat pants and the ‘I Don’t Do Mornings’ t-shirt.

About Zero Brass

Don't Worry About It

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