80’s – You Forgot To Leave

I saw a conversation the other day about what you would bring back from the 80’s. And after reading through it, I don’t think anything ever left. Stephanie pointed out that her kids are either playing with most of these or streaming them on Netflix right now. Let’s see how original we are 20 years later –

Movies – We can’t leave good enough alone. The following movies are either remade or about to be remade – Red Dawn, Footloose, Karate Kid, Nightmare On Elm Street, Friday The 13th, Alien, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Crow, Predator, The Thing, Evil Dead, Arthur, Piranha, Fright Night, Teen Wolf, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Ghostbusters, Rocky, Rambo, Commando, Die Hard, Fame, Short Circuit – These are just the ones I can think of off the top of my head.

Strawberry Shortcake – My daughter loves this show. Not the old one, the new one. Granted she’s 3, so she has time to acquire more sophisticated tastes. I am still waiting for the final episode where someone accidentally steps on the strawberry patch and kills all of them.

G.I. Joe – He has a new cartoon out and a sequel to the movie you forgot about comes out next year. If it wasn’t for the Joe’s at the end of each episode, I wouldn’t know to – tell a grown up, don’t take drugs, help an old person out, be a friend, don’t smoke, not to touch fireworks, that no means no. . .

Transformers – Almost 30 years these guys have been duking it out. When I was playing with these toys in the 80’s they were EASY to transform. You could make it jump in the air and by the time you landed it was transformed. And you made the cool transforming noise. Now? I need an engineering degree, the instructions, two spotters and a time-out after I am done cussing at the stupid toy. The box says Ages 4+ and that is clearly a typo.

Stupid Sunglasses – These were the ghetto glasses you found in the 25 cent bin. They were crappy then and they are more crappy now. I would say that perhaps kids are being ironic wearing them, but come on. You don’t grow up in the era of fashion and design and makeover shows and understand the meaning of the word ironic. And lets just hope the idiots wearing the ‘shade’ neon glasses trip and fall and never procreate.

Neon – This is an actual current fashion line. I have nothing else to say. Men have their loud Hawaiian shirts, ladies can have this megaphone of regurgitation.

Canvas Keds / Converse – The kids call them Toms now. And pay $50+ for them. And they removed the laces for that teenager on the go without time to lace up for the day. I bet you money your mom still has a pair of Keds in her closet.

Music – I think every current artist out there right now has either covered an 80’s song, or is thinking about it. And that is fine. It just reminds me to go pull my good music out of the closet, I mean queue it on iTunes. But if they are going to insist on remaking and sampling 80’s music can we please bring back 80’s dancing. It’s the only way for white people to dance and not look silly.

About Zero Brass

Don't Worry About It

One response to “80’s – You Forgot To Leave”

  1. Ryan & Steph + 3 says :

    I feel so special you mentioned me in your blog 🙂

    Like

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