Mormon Nipple Slip
I’m still not sure why nipple slips are bad. No one has ever died from one. Husbands can’t get in trouble for looking because no one saw it coming and they weren’t making elaborate plans to see one. And most people it happens too wind up more popular than they were before. Big deal. And if you haven’t seen one, I pour some of my Postum out for you. The slip is a two second glimpse of you that often fades in people’s minds within days. Unless you are a fifteen year old boy. Then that image is burned into your psyche.
But there is a far more tragic slip than that of the celebrity kind. It is the Mormon nipple slip. It is very rare. Most Mormon families know of their existence. I do. I grew up in one and am now the proud owner of one. The family, not the slip. So here is your sneak peak into the underbelly of the dreaded Mormon nipple slip.
And since we are so chaste and awesome, there is no nipple involved. Sorry if I mislead you. These little slips into the reality of a real family usually occur in public. There is your average LDS mom with 7 kids. And one of them isn’t quite sharing the spirit today as well as their siblings. That’s when you hear the mom yell –
“Dammit Sariah! Quit playing Oregon Trail and get over here!”
There it is. In all it’s glory. That poor mom has spent all that time hiding her potty mouth with baked goods being passed around to neighbors, lessons being shared, sowing patches in her husbands pants. And all it took was one little kids insistence on not behaving to have her slip up and bare her naughty mouth to the ward world.
If you ever get a chance, ask my mom why she was terrified my sister would say her name was Dammit Erin.