Here It Comes

 

Sometimes you need to be mentally prepared to experience or even hear something. You wouldn’t roll out of bed and jump on an amusement park ride, unless you are a carnie, and then I am jealous. And even then, you have to wake up the bearded woman to operate the ride for you and this is getting complicated. . .

So to give you even just a split second warning, these are the signs you are about to hear either the greatest joke ever, or the most racist thing ever.

1 – You will find yourself alone with the individual or off to the side of a crowd at a party. Why you wandered away from the herd is beyond me. Maybe they had candy?

2 – The individual will probably keep trying to stop laughing before sharing this. Or drooling all over themselves. It really depends which route they are taking.

3 – Almost always preceded by a variation of the phrase “This is really bad, but you have to hear this!” This is your last chance to run or give them your undivided attention. But no one ever runs. That would be rude. But by staying you have acknowledged that you pretend to be open minded just to hear something unbelievably horrible. Or hilarious. You have to take a gamble to see where this journey takes you.

4 – The person will look over their right shoulder, then their left shoulder, look side to side and then proceed to say the greatest joke ever or the most racist thing ever. When you see them looking over their shoulders, there is no turning back. They have just cleared themselves of any witnesses within earshot.

That’s it! Now you should either be doubled over in laughter or doubled over in horror. Depends what they shared. And no, it doesn’t make it OK if you have a friend of the race being made fun of. That only works with imaginary people like albinos, gingers and Eskimos. Next time we will learn how to tell if your potential date will look the same amount of hotness outside the dim club light.

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About Zero Brass

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