Things That Must Go #1

– Girls wearing short shirts. It goes from hilarious to sad sitting behind a girl wearing a shirt so short she has to keep pulling it down to cover her vertical grin that is escaping her pants.

– Having to poop after getting out of the shower.

– Toast crumbs in the butter. Even if I put them there, I still refuse to use the butter they are stuck to.

– Dried crusties on condiment bottles. That solid ring of ranch dressing around the lid – I didn’t know that ranch got hard.

– Awkward conversations. I’m just getting the mail and I am in my pajamas. Do I look like I care about anything right now except getting back to my couch?

– Boob shirts. Of course I am going to look. If you are going to get all creeped out about it then quit wearing them.

– Zits after 25. I still check my birth certificate to see if in fact I am my age when a zit pops up on my nose.

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