Stephenie Meyers Challenge
I received a message the other day containing a challenge. It might as well have been a Triple Dog Dare, considering the contents. The jest of it was –
Can you put all the Stephenie Meyers haters in their place? Yes, the books aren’t classics but they weren’t meant to be. The woman had a dream, wrote about it and did a good enough job to make $382 million dollars off the Twilight book alone! I get so tired of people talking bad about her! She is a housewife for Pete’s sake! I think she’s great!
Can I put the haters of one of the biggest crimes against humanity in their place. I thought it over for about 15 seconds and then said ‘Challenge accepted.’ The place that they are going to be put in might not be socially acceptable though.
Full disclosure: One of the reasons I decided to start this website was because of people like Mrs. Meyer. She took a wild swing and connected. One thing you cannot take away from her is the fact that she wanted something better, and did something about it. She wrote a book (or 5) to be her son’s stay at home Mom. That is admirable. It almost makes me feel bad for what I have to say later.
She had never even written a short story before writing Twilight. This may sound surprising unless you have read the actual books. I would venture to guess that she has never watched or read anything about vampires since her vampires have nothing to do with the traditional mythology of them. And before I get to putting all of you haters in your place, I have to point out the atrocities that have been inflicted upon the world because of Stephenie.
- Vampire’s don’t sparkle
- Edward Cullen is a pedophile; he is 100+ years old and hangs out in high schools to meet underage girls
- Bella is a carbon copy of Stephanie Meyer – see below picture
- Bella is one of the worst all-time role models for a girl – she ceases to exist if she doesn’t have a boyfriend, one of the worst things you could ever teach a girl. She is submissive and insecure
- Every other word in the books was replaced by whatever word Thesaurus.com suggested
- There is no plot to the books – the plot is Bella loves Edward, Jacob wants Bella because he figures if she is a necrophiliac she must be OK with bestiality. Some vampires want to eat Bella, then they don’t. Then Edward goes on vacation, then he knocks up Bella and she has to convert to his lifestyle to make it work, then Jacob falls in love with Bella’s baby
I could go on and on and on and on. But others have done it bigger and better than I. So with all of this going against Twilight, what could possibly put the haters in their place?
Easy. Kevin Smith, one of the greatest men to ever walk the face of the Earth, enlightened me. All of these little 12 year old girls that have fallen in love with these books, with vampires and small amounts of horror, are going to get older. These girls will have a thirst, if you will, for more vampires. More horror. They are going to think that they should cling to a man no matter what. That they should just die if a man doesn’t love them. These girls are sitting on a farm slowing growing into sci-fi, fantasy and horror fans.
And these Twilight fans started out at the bottom. The got their taste with the bottom of the barrel. Normal people like me (I assume) have read Bram Stoker’s Dracula. We’ve watched Nosferatu, Lost Boys, From Dusk Til Dawn. We know and love these characters. For the Twilight fans, it is only going to get better.
Imagine in junior high you met some girl that was obsessed with Twilight and vampires. So you invite her over and show her the Lost Boys. For her, it would be the equivalent of a blind man seeing for the first time. And you did that for her! You opened her eyes. You showed her that her little shallow understanding of this genre, that she loved so much, was bigger and greater than she ever dreamed of. And you are her guide!
So for the haters, patience. In 5 years or so, there are going to be millions of girls ready to be harvested (I know, worst metaphor ever) and shown the light with you as a guide. At the very least we owe Stephenie Meyer a giant debt of gratitude for priming the female youth with a curiosity of the finer arts and genre’s.
As for the adult women fans of Twilight. . . That is hard. The only thing I have for the haters to see in a different light is maybe if they have a wife that is a
Twi-tard Twilght fan. . . she secretly wants headboard shattering sex like in the book?