The Oscars And Slow People

So the Oscars are here. This is Hollywood’s big night of self celebration that borders on a masturbatory level. The actors and everyone else involved with the movies being considered are all voted on by themselves. Not reviews, not box office, not even quality. Just them gathering in a little circle while they put one of them in the middle one at a time and shower them with praise and love. Then they do it over and over and you sit there for 3+ hours. . . why?

I love movies. I breathe movies. They move me. I love talking about movies, good or bad. I love taking the ideas they present and running with them. I love ridiculing them, examining them and studying them. What I don’t do is watch the Oscars. All of the movies being judged have come and gone. You have seen them. You liked some of them, you disliked some of them. Some of them made you laugh, some made you cry, some made you feel guilty for being white, some made you question why Channing Tatum still gets movie roles.

I hear people say they watch the Oscars to see if their movie won. Won what? A statue? Does that make the movie better somehow? Has your enjoyment of that film changed based on it winning or even being nominated? Are you really that stupid? These aren’t awards based off of the public. They are based off of what their inner circle thinks or feels should be important. You – you get to watch them and decide on your own if it was good. Here is an example why you should never watch the Oscar’s.

In 1984 the Best Film Nominee’s were –

AMADEUS – Winner

The Killing Fields

A Passage to India

Places in the Heart

A Soldier’s Story

Movies Released That Year –

Beverly Hills Cop

Ghostbusters

Karate Kid

Gremlins

Indians Jones and the Temple of Doom

Footloose

Police Academy

Romancing the Stone

Purple Rain

Splash

The Terminator

2010

Bachelor Party

Red Dawn

Now lets do it for this year, so you don’t think I picked the best year ever for movies.

2012 Best Film Nominees –

The Artist

The Descendants

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close

The Help

Hugo

Midnight in Paris

Moneyball

The Tree of Life

War Horse

Movies Released That Year –

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Bridesmaids

Twilight – Breaking Dawn

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol

Fast Five

Hangover II

Rango

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Thor

Captain America

X-Men: First Class

Bad Teacher

Contagion

Hall Pass

Drive

Now you tell me, which movies did you watch the most? Which did you quote the most? Pretend or play growing up? Shaped your taste and love of movies? Which movie barely worked because you watched it so many times and rewound it over and over? Does the nomination or award make that first list any better after seeing what wasn’t nominated? Are you still talking about A Soldier’s Story? Furthermore – Let’s say your actor or movie won. Their acceptance speech is always cut short so we can hear some monologue by the host that is never funny. Or some dance number or montage of songs no one cares about. Because this isn’t for you. It’s for them. And you make them rich, not the other way around.

And this list, you can do this with any year. What they tell you is good and what you think is good are two completely different things. So this year, buy some popcorn, a coke, candy, gather round the TV in your living room (because it’s Sunday) and watch a movie instead. Movies are there to entertain you and sometimes enlighten you. Watching celebrities spend millions of dollars and receiving ridiculous gifts for being a celebrity is contradictory to what cinema really is. You get nothing from it, and you feed their notion that they deserve the defecation of back patting and elbow rubbing.

About Zero Brass

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