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Cheese

3odpdhDuring Jr High and my Sophomore year of High School I landscaped. It was by far my favorite job looking back with some miles and years between the memory and living it. It was a painful occupation. Depending upon the day, you would come home with a distinct parting gift.

  • You could win the coveted blister package on your hands from throwing the pick into rock filled dirt.
  • You could receive the almighty sunburn! This gift kept giving the next few days as your clothes were a constant reminder of your failure to wear sunscreen or a hat. Read More…

The Runaway Note

When you feel overwhelmed and unsure about your parenting skills, take comfort that somewhere, someone is doing it worse than you. Like me. While cleaning the house the other day, my  wife found one of our daughters old notebooks and decided to look through it before tossing it. What she found was an “I’m Running Away Letter” from our sweet, even tempered daughter. We have no idea when she wrote it, it was within 4 – 5 years ago. My daughter laughs at it now, but she cannot remember what she got in trouble for to write this epic farewell.

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How To Dismantle An Adult

Kids have little to no fear of adults anymore. You think I am wrong? Sit in on most classes in a public school, or threaten to tell them you will some how retaliate against their behavior. There is no fear in them anymore. I used to firmly believe that it was because we can no longer hit them. And I was wrong. It’s because of the evil TV and movies! I might sound like a rally cry from the 50’s, but I assure you I am firmly rooted in at least the 80’s. I am at the tail end of the last generation that remembers it being OK to get slapped or spanked.

Watch any TV show geared at kids, or even any family movie. 99.99% of the time the adult is portrayed as a complete imbecile. They are perpetually bumbling around, not sure of their choices, confused about what they think or believe in, and NEVER in charge. It’s always the kids that are portrayed as the intelligent ones or the only people that are getting things done in spite of their parents.

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Useless Tools

One of my favorite individuals, Penn Jillette, was on the Nerdist Podcast a few weeks ago. He was telling one of the funniest stories I have ever heard involving a little person and a monkey. And towards the end of it he pointed something out that I can’t shake.

Mr. Jillette stated that most people cannot appreciate – deeply, honestly or personally – most art, music, culture or even experiences without tainting it. And we do that by being sarcastic, cynical or even ironic. And I won’t even go into how most people STILL don’t understand irony thanks to Alanis Morrisette.

We live in a time where one of the tools we use to conversate or comment with is to immediately be ironic about it or sarcastic. When so many people have the ability to view our comments or thoughts, it is easier to put an ironic slant to your comment or thoughts. In your head you may sound educated, but in reality you seem distant. The best example of this is the 13 – 25 year old’s. They think that the wearing of 70’s, 80’s and even 90’s clothes is hip. It’s an ironic statement for their fashion. They know they look silly, so it’s a sarcastic fashion faux paux.

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Cabin In The Woods

While walking into the theater to see this movie, a teenager dropped a $1 bill in front of me and kept walking. I picked it up and actually had to almost run to catch up to him to give it back to him. Instead of a thanks and maybe a cool fist bump (I don’t know what the hell they do now) I got a nod and a weird look as he walked away. Why are you now privy to this information? I will tell you in a minute. . . It is impossible to review this movie, so I am not. To give away any of the mystery of this movie would ruin your experience of the insane ride you are about to go on. What I do want to talk about is what this movie made me feel like. It made me feel like 17 year old Brass Monkey again. Why 17? That’s when Scream came out.

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Art of Penny Tapping

It takes patience and creativity to survive childhood. And this is better than any prank phone call or door bell ditching. It’s also victimless so remember that at your court hearing.

To properly Penny Tap someone you need three items:

#1 – A band-aid. Preferably a new one that is super sticky.

 

 

 

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Most Used Samples 1

 

I physically become ill and violent when I hear some kid listening to a song from the 70’s say out loud “Hey, these guys stole this from Snoop Dogg!” We have all of this technology and ability to search centuries of information, but the youth can’t be bothered to learn about where music came from? Ugh.

So here is a small list of the original songs made popular by rap.

James Brown’s The Payback
En Vogue – Never Gonna Get It, LL Cool J – Boomin System
0:48 second mark
George Clinton’s Atomic Dog
Snoop Dogg – Snoop Dogg
Melvin Bliss’s Synthetic Substitution
Method Man – You’re All That I Need, Naughty By Nature – O.P.P.
Lyn Collin’s Think
Rob Base & DJ EZ Rock – It Takes Two”, the creator of the ever present “Yeah, Woo!”
1:25 mark if you are impatient
 The Honey Drippers’ Impeach The President
LL Cool J – Around the Way Girl, Meredith Brooks – I’m A Bitch, Janet Jackson – That’s The Way Love Goes
Sly and the Family Stone’s Sing A Simple Song
Digital Underground – The Humpty Dance
James Brown’s Funky Drummer
Dr. Dre – Let Me Ride
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