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Samples – Beastie Boys #2

Rap music made sampling cool. The Beastie Boys showed everyone how to do it right. This is a small sample list of the superior music the Beastie Boys have sampled.

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Family Movies

If I watch a family movie it is because I have to am doing it with my family. Otherwise I would never watch them. Why? Because just like boobs, if you have seen one, you’ve seen them all. Well, some are bigger and better, and some smaller ones get the indie award for trying. By the way, we are still talking about movies. And I think my breaking point was the one-two sucker punch of Mr. Popper’s Penguins and Dolphin Tale; two of the worst movies this year.

Let’s break it down as to what makes family movies as of late so monotonous and boring –

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Things I Cannot Prove

There are too many times when I think I have figured something profound out, and then have no evidence to back up my solid conclusion. All I have is my gut feeling and the force to guide me. The following are all items I am trying to scientifically prove true once and for all – 

The Chinese restaurant next to me is trying to pass off tired looking Mexicans as authentic Chinese in the back.

A girl knows within 2 minutes of meeting you your exact chances of anything with her. Nothing you do after the 2 minutes matters, her mind is made up.

Old Navy’s men’s clothes are all off by a size.

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Can You Be A Server?

You know who makes a lot of money? CEO’s and pharmaceutical reps. But being a server or waitress or culinary assistant is just as much fun. Except for the look. You either conform to the corporate policy, or you work at a fancy restaurant. It’s hard not to notice, but in case you missed it, there is a very specific look to be a server or waitress. And the higher class the restaurant, the cheaper the look becomes. In my head it should be reversed, but I will break it down for you.

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Post Superbowl Facts

Little known facts about the days and week following the Superbowl. See if you can guess which one I made up without using Google.

  • Cell phone companies see a 17% spike in sales the week following the Superbowl due to phones being thrown at the floor in anger during the game. (Remote controls see a 8% spike in sales.)
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Just The Chorus

The other day my wife and I were in the car listening to a CD I made, because I make the best mix CD’s ever. I know you think you or your significant other does, but I make the best mix tapes ever. . . Where was I. . . in the car. Listening to the best CD ever and a Counting Crows song comes on. My wife and I are singing along, just belting out the chorus. If I hadn’t of had my seat belt on I would have been dancing my monkey butt off. Brighton is in the back of the van dieing of embarrassment, and the other three kids are just happy to be there.

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Stephenie Meyers Challenge

I received a message the other day containing a challenge. It might as well have been a Triple Dog Dare, considering the contents. The jest of it was –

Can you put all the Stephenie Meyers haters in their place? Yes, the books aren’t classics but they weren’t meant to be. The woman had a dream, wrote about it and did a good enough job to make $382 million dollars off the Twilight book alone! I get so tired of people talking bad about her! She is a housewife for Pete’s sake! I think she’s great!

Can I put the haters of one of the biggest crimes against humanity in their place. I thought it over for about 15 seconds and then said ‘Challenge accepted.’ The place that they are going to be put in might not be socially acceptable though.

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Living Regrets

Someone posted an article on facebook about the top five regrets people had when dying. You can find the link HERE. It was compiled from people taking care of the elderly; and as they were dying they were given a survey, which seems odd now that I type it out. The list sounds legit, and even makes you rethink some decisions you are making. If you didn’t read the article, you obviously know what you want in life, and that is for me to sum it up for you. So here they are –

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Samples – 2Pac

2Pac had the toughest looking gay tattoo on his belly. He also had Will Smith’s wife first. And she looks like a man. He made Aunt Jemimah bandana’s cool. He also looks like he loved World of Warcraft with his fancy finger tricks. Here’s a small list of samples he used. (Best segue way ever.) Read More…

Things That Must Go #1

– Girls wearing short shirts. It goes from hilarious to sad sitting behind a girl wearing a shirt so short she has to keep pulling it down to cover her vertical grin that is escaping her pants.

– Having to poop after getting out of the shower.

– Toast crumbs in the butter. Even if I put them there, I still refuse to use the butter they are stuck to.

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