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Cabin In The Woods

While walking into the theater to see this movie, a teenager dropped a $1 bill in front of me and kept walking. I picked it up and actually had to almost run to catch up to him to give it back to him. Instead of a thanks and maybe a cool fist bump (I don’t know what the hell they do now) I got a nod and a weird look as he walked away. Why are you now privy to this information? I will tell you in a minute. . . It is impossible to review this movie, so I am not. To give away any of the mystery of this movie would ruin your experience of the insane ride you are about to go on. What I do want to talk about is what this movie made me feel like. It made me feel like 17 year old Brass Monkey again. Why 17? That’s when Scream came out.

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Footloose (2011)

I was excited to see this remake because the trailers looked like they captured the spirit of the original. And the original is a classic ONLY if you grew up with it. As much as I like to pretend that the movies that came out during my childhood are classics, they are very much movies of their time that only serve to let me reminisce about the good times 15 – 25 years ago. So that said, is the Footloose remake a good movie? You’re going to find out with me because I am writing this as I watch it.

KEEP IN MIND – The preacher who is helping pass all of these silly moral laws, his son killed kids while driving drunk and dancing and his daughter is the town hussy. This family should just be chased out of town if everyone else wants to be free from death and STD’s.

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Take Shelter

This is what I wish church movies would and should be. Let’s put that out there to stick in the back of your mind. – So Tucker finally recommended a good movie to me. And after watching Take Shelter, I just want to talk about it. At first it was because of the movie and it’s story, which is timely and pressing. But after reading comments online about the movie, I have a whole new reason to love this film, which is apparently way off from other people. First things first – this is a movie that needs to be watched to remind you that story always trumps action/special effects. This is a disaster movie. But when you dig deeper, it is a meditation on mental illness and dealing/living with it. Past that, it is a very moving film centered on faith with one of the best depictions I have ever seen of a wife.

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Project Nim

Ever wanted to see a monkey dry hump a cat in the name of science? I watched the Oscar nominated documentary Project Nim with my wife the other night. It’s about the first monkey to learn and use sign language. He might have been a chimp or a primate, I don’t remember. Want to know why? Because I was too busy basking in the glow of reassurance in my hatred of hippies. Everything I can’t stand about hippies was on full display in this movie. And it should be called a movie, not a documentary, but we can get into that later. First, the trailer –

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Moneyball – Review

This is all reactionary – After hearing from so many people who’s taste I respect in movies say how great Moneyball was I finally watched it. Sat down with the wife. It had Brad Pitt in it and was on quite a few Best Of lists for the year. It had fat Jonah Hill and not skinny freaky looking Jonah Hill. It even had Jack Bauer’s secret service buddy Aaron in it. What the movie didn’t have was a plot, action, drama or a composer. What they did have was a producer who saw The Social Network and said ‘I want our movie to look like that!’ Which they tried so hard to mimic. They also went with the minimalist approach to the score, but if you don’t have actors that are carrying any emotion or sense or urgency, it is painful and boring.

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Potter VS Twilight 4

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Fast Five – Best Movie Of 2011

Some people give advice or list stuff they will change next year for their end of year posts. Not me. I want everyone to feel the love of the greatest thing I have ever seen.

Best movie of the year? Fast Five. Sit back and watch me wax this homo-erotic movie to a manly shine. After watching Ocean’s 11, the producers of Fast Five must of wondered how do you make George Clooney staring at Brad Pitt while he eats non-stop in every scene any gheyer? Maybe a sweaty wrestler coming between Vin Diesel and Paul Walkers’ sexual tension? And Fast Five was born.

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Footprints – Die Hard Edition

One night a woman had a dream. She dreamed she was walking along Nakatomi Towers with her husband. Across the sky flashed scenes from her life. For each scene she noticed two sets of footprints on the floor. One belonging to her and the other to her husband. When the last scene of her life flashed before her, she looked back at the footprints on the floor. She noticed that many times along the path of her life there was only one set of footprints. She also noticed that it happened at the airport, work and New York City. Read More…

Potter VS Twilight 3

Potter VS Twilight 2

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