I go away for a month and the general population takes a nose dive in taste. And I wouldn’t had noticed until some grown supposed man pointed it out to me. I was sitting at work and an adult – a man with a wife and children and cars and insurance and some golf shirts from Sears circa 1986 – leaned over with his phone laughing and said you have to watch this. And it was one of these damn gangnam videos. And he thought this was brilliant. When I didn’t laugh with the few other people watching it they asked why? My answer – Because I only make fun of stereotypes and races and women and Twilight.
While waiting to turn onto the main road to go to work this morning, I got stuck. Or trapped. Trapped is a better word. I was trapped. It wasn’t by cars, or an accident or even an old lady who couldn’t see over her steering wheel. It was the damn bicycle freaks.
Every time I had a space to pull out, some clown in neon spandex would come flying down the side of the street looking at me like I’m a monster trying to kill him. Which after the first bike clown blocked me, I was OK. After the third one, I was ready to kill him. So I’m stuck here watching these pavement riders and it is turning into monkey rage.
Sunglasses with nose stops on wires. When I see people that wear sunglasses on top of their head holding their hair back, but instead of fancy smooth frames, their sunglasses have those weird wires with plastic ends that stick to your nose. All I can think about is when you pull those glasses off to put them on, those nose wires are going to get stuck in your hair and pull it.
This isn’t a post to justify saying the n-word. So relax. While driving in the car the other day a song came on the radio that was edited so you didn’t hear the dreaded word. And I got to thinking – Is it OK for me, a typical suburban white man, to sing along to every lyric in a song, that includes that word?
The only time you hear that word is in songs or movies anymore. If it’s in a movie it’s to let you know that whoever said it is really really racist and white, or a gangsta. But in songs, it’s used in choruses, verses and sometimes even the persons name. If you are an artist, and I use that term loosely since we are talking about rap here, don’t you want your song replayed and memorized and sang along to? I would think so.
– Girls wearing short shirts. It goes from hilarious to sad sitting behind a girl wearing a shirt so short she has to keep pulling it down to cover her vertical grin that is escaping her pants.
– Having to poop after getting out of the shower.
– Toast crumbs in the butter. Even if I put them there, I still refuse to use the butter they are stuck to.