Tag Archive | Movies

Step Up 3D – Live Review

So for the family movie tonight we are watching Step Up 3D. These are my random thoughts while watching it.

The movie opens with some dude filming homeless people asking them why they love to dance. Not one of them admits that it is because staying in school was way to hard.

Oh good, Moose made it back. And now his parents are dropping him off at college. With his girlfriend. His girlfriend, by the way, was the only white little girl in Missy Elliot’s videos that could dance. And Moose’s nose hasn’t stopped growing. That kid is Jewish. Is that racist?

For some reason Moose is dancing with a white kid who looks Asian.

Oh crap, he is Asian. my bad.

Now Moose is popping bubbles in this dance and releasing balloons to out dance the karate kid. I think I am about to release my man card because I was cheering for Moose to win.

Moose left his parents, girlfriend and backpack to go to an abandoned warehouse full of homeless kids that think dancing is an art form worthy of a high paying job. The mystery ring leader admits to collecting discarded dancers from under passes trying to assemble the ultimate dance crew. Every one is dressed liked Jem outrageously threw up on all of them.

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Meet The Pyro

This is pretty awesome.

Battlefield America

If you know me, then you know that I LOVE LOVE LOVE movies about inner city youth escaping the ghetto and the hood by any means except school. To the point – dancing. I love movies about dancing. I have no idea why because I make fun of them all day long. But I seek them out and pay money to watch them and love them anyways. Since Step Up 4 is a month away, this will have to tide me over. And I think this movie is about rival gangs of toddlers.

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Useless Tools

One of my favorite individuals, Penn Jillette, was on the Nerdist Podcast a few weeks ago. He was telling one of the funniest stories I have ever heard involving a little person and a monkey. And towards the end of it he pointed something out that I can’t shake.

Mr. Jillette stated that most people cannot appreciate – deeply, honestly or personally – most art, music, culture or even experiences without tainting it. And we do that by being sarcastic, cynical or even ironic. And I won’t even go into how most people STILL don’t understand irony thanks to Alanis Morrisette.

We live in a time where one of the tools we use to conversate or comment with is to immediately be ironic about it or sarcastic. When so many people have the ability to view our comments or thoughts, it is easier to put an ironic slant to your comment or thoughts. In your head you may sound educated, but in reality you seem distant. The best example of this is the 13 – 25 year old’s. They think that the wearing of 70’s, 80’s and even 90’s clothes is hip. It’s an ironic statement for their fashion. They know they look silly, so it’s a sarcastic fashion faux paux.

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Magic Mike – Anatomy Of A Trailer

If you know me, you know that I live in the shadow of two men – Jack Johnson and Channing Tatum. My wife would literally hand me her wedding ring if one of them came knocking on my door and asked for her. So it’s no surprise that I am going to be forced into seeing Magic Mike more than a million times. Which isn’t too bad since when it’s over I’ll be the only guy sitting there, and she’ll make do. Anyways, here is the trailer which is a loosely based, semi-autobiographical story of Channing Tatum’s stripper days:

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Family Movies

If I watch a family movie it is because I have to am doing it with my family. Otherwise I would never watch them. Why? Because just like boobs, if you have seen one, you’ve seen them all. Well, some are bigger and better, and some smaller ones get the indie award for trying. By the way, we are still talking about movies. And I think my breaking point was the one-two sucker punch of Mr. Popper’s Penguins and Dolphin Tale; two of the worst movies this year.

Let’s break it down as to what makes family movies as of late so monotonous and boring –

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Cabin In The Woods

While walking into the theater to see this movie, a teenager dropped a $1 bill in front of me and kept walking. I picked it up and actually had to almost run to catch up to him to give it back to him. Instead of a thanks and maybe a cool fist bump (I don’t know what the hell they do now) I got a nod and a weird look as he walked away. Why are you now privy to this information? I will tell you in a minute. . . It is impossible to review this movie, so I am not. To give away any of the mystery of this movie would ruin your experience of the insane ride you are about to go on. What I do want to talk about is what this movie made me feel like. It made me feel like 17 year old Brass Monkey again. Why 17? That’s when Scream came out.

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Take Shelter

This is what I wish church movies would and should be. Let’s put that out there to stick in the back of your mind. – So Tucker finally recommended a good movie to me. And after watching Take Shelter, I just want to talk about it. At first it was because of the movie and it’s story, which is timely and pressing. But after reading comments online about the movie, I have a whole new reason to love this film, which is apparently way off from other people. First things first – this is a movie that needs to be watched to remind you that story always trumps action/special effects. This is a disaster movie. But when you dig deeper, it is a meditation on mental illness and dealing/living with it. Past that, it is a very moving film centered on faith with one of the best depictions I have ever seen of a wife.

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Moneyball – Review

This is all reactionary – After hearing from so many people who’s taste I respect in movies say how great Moneyball was I finally watched it. Sat down with the wife. It had Brad Pitt in it and was on quite a few Best Of lists for the year. It had fat Jonah Hill and not skinny freaky looking Jonah Hill. It even had Jack Bauer’s secret service buddy Aaron in it. What the movie didn’t have was a plot, action, drama or a composer. What they did have was a producer who saw The Social Network and said ‘I want our movie to look like that!’ Which they tried so hard to mimic. They also went with the minimalist approach to the score, but if you don’t have actors that are carrying any emotion or sense or urgency, it is painful and boring.

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Fast Five – Best Movie Of 2011

Some people give advice or list stuff they will change next year for their end of year posts. Not me. I want everyone to feel the love of the greatest thing I have ever seen.

Best movie of the year? Fast Five. Sit back and watch me wax this homo-erotic movie to a manly shine. After watching Ocean’s 11, the producers of Fast Five must of wondered how do you make George Clooney staring at Brad Pitt while he eats non-stop in every scene any gheyer? Maybe a sweaty wrestler coming between Vin Diesel and Paul Walkers’ sexual tension? And Fast Five was born.

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