5 Worst Self Photo Poses

Don’t tell the 80’s I borrowed it’s hair

#5 – The ‘Not Sure About My Do”

So you just happened to casually be taking a picture, of yourself, by a mirror, fixing your hair, not sure if you like the way it looks? This picture is designed for one thing only – Please compliment my hair.

I have a better idea. Go see your friends in person and let them tell you the truth with their expressions on their faces. Then you’ll know if it was worth saving $20 at Sam’s instead of a real haircut from a professional. This picture can be varied by using bathroom mirrors, hall mirrors or holding your freakishly long arm above your head. You know, so we can see your cleavage you didn’t mean to show. Or did you?

I love Coldplay

 #4 – The ‘Here’s Me Driving/I’m So Laid Back’

How is this not illegal? Photographic proof you were driving and taking pictures while not looking at the road. And judging from your goofy grin, this is probably the 45th picture you took.

And thank heavens you posted the 45th. I didn’t want to see casually, random, planned and edited photos of you that were blurry. Because unless you’re a twelve year old girl there is no way you have mastered the fine art of how to steady that awesome new iPhone of yours for every picture and not have your weak arm wobbling everywhere.

Who am I kidding. I would eat this

#3 – The ‘Food/New Recipe”

Oh thanks. I was wondering what you were eating. Now I know why you post so many updates about your new diet or exercise routine.

The only time it is socially acceptable for the food pic is if you happen to be taking on a Man vs Food challenge or are attempting the great 76er.

For some reason the home recipes don’t bother me as much. Except for the picture perfect photo of your food. The photo on your blog of your dish and the actual dish you serve looks pretty darn close to this Big Mac and the photo on McDonald’s menu.

Nice Fauxhawk spaz

#2 – The ‘Bathroom Portrait’

Well hello there mister. I see you purchase all your grooming supplies at Wal-Greens. Play on playa.

How many times did your parents forget to show you attention? You’re all ready to go out tonight. Trevor and DeShawn are on their way over. I have an idea – let’s give them a sneak peak at the douchiness they are about to behold.

And know that girls are the biggest offenders of this. I would love to understand the mental debate in a girls head that makes her want to take a picture of herself in the bathroom right after dropping a deuce. My best guess is the bathroom door prevents other family members from walking by and ridiculing them into tears.

There’s always one

#1 – The ‘Duckface/Sideways Glance’

You are specifically taking this picture to post online or send to someone. And since you are always the bridesmaid and never the bride you pull this face.

I pull this face. But when I do it’s usually after being asked if I would rather change a diaper or do dishes.

Sorry girls, but you look like you just smelled a fart and it reminded you that you have to take a dump and have an urgent need for a bathroom. And don’t forget the all important peace sign. That’s how we know you don’t mean us harm and come in peace. How about you realize that we all know what you look like and you stop pretending like this isn’t a preplanned photo op for people to comment on your pseudo modeling pose. Because one day someone is going to put a compilation together like this poor girl –

About Zero Brass

Don't Worry About It

3 responses to “5 Worst Self Photo Poses”

  1. Kristan says :

    I am om board…except for the food pics. I love food and food pics too!


  2. DJ says :

    This post has been removed by the author.


  3. Moonshine says :

    haha… I admit I am guilty of atleast half of these.#4 is actually in a car wash… kudos to him for not driving, but why does he have ear pieces in his ears? Radio broken? I wonder what he is listening to.#2 has to be from Utah, he fits the mold.#1 I am willing to get an assault charge for slapping both of these girls… they just look like they need a good slapping.


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